Corny Dad Jokes We're Embarrassed to Admit Made Us Laugh

Funny dads are the best!

Horrified son covering his ears with father playing guitar at home
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Kid: "Dad, I'm hungry."

Dad: "Hello, Hungry. I'm Dad."

We've all heard jokes that are so corny, we almost feel embarrassed that they made us laugh. Where do these jokes come from? Dads, of course! Just when you thought parents couldn't be any more embarrassing, along comes Dad with a dorky joke.

Dad jokes represent a special kind of good-natured humor. These are harmless, silly jokes that are usually made off-the-cuff at the most awkward moment possible. The more inappropriate the setting, the more likely it is that the funny dads of the world will crack a silly joke that is guaranteed to make their kids groan and roll their eyes. They're dads; it's just what they do! Dads gonna dad.

Here's a list of more than 40 very punny dad jokes to bust out at your next family gathering. Thanks to, HowToBeADad, and Reddit's r/dadjokes for most of these goofy dad jokes.​

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them. 

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

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Kid: 'I'll call you later.'

Dad: "Don't call me Later—call me Dad."

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What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

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Grocery store cashier to Dad: 'Would you like the milk in a bag?'

Dad: "No, just leave it in the carton!"

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Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one nightstand.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsssshhhh.

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

"Ayy matey!"

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Kid: 'Dad, what's this movie about?'

Dad: "It's about two hours."

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I used to be addicted to the 'Hokey Pokey.'

But then I turned myself around.

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Guess what time the man went to the dentist.

 Tooth hurt-y. 

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What is Forrest Gump's password?


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I can cut wood by just looking at it.

It's true! I saw it with my own eyes. 

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Did you hear about the guy who invented Life Savers?

They say he made a mint!

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Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’

Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’

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I heard there was a new store called Moderation.

They have everything there.

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Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

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A termite walks into a bar and asks,

"Is the bar tender here?" 

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What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?

The flag is a big .

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An Instagram.

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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little hoarse.

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I’m reading a book on the history of glue.

I can't put it down!

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

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Kid: 'Hold on, I have something in my shoe.'

Dad: "I'm pretty sure it's a foot."

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Did you hear there was an explosion at a cheese factory in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

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Me: 'Hey, I was thinking….'

Dad: "I thought I smelled something burning."

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How do you make a Kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it. 

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Two guys walk into a bar...

...the third guy ducks.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.

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Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have nobody to go with.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

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I don't buy anything with Velcro.

It's a total rip-off.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts!

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine; he woke up.

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I needed a password that was eight characters long.

So I picked Snow White and the seven dwarfs.

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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.

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What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

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Why did they give the scarecrow a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

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I once farted on an elevator.

I was rude on so many levels.

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